1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

3. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 9 to 3:20 and have summers free."

4. You believe chocolate is a food group.

5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

6. You believe "Shallow Gene Pool" should have it's own box on the report card.

7. You have no life from August to June.

8. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

9. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you don't know and correct their behavior.

10. Marking all A's on report cards would make your life so much simpler.

11. When you mention "Vegetables" you are not talking food groups.

12. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

13. You wonder how some parents ever managed to reproduce.

14. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.

15. You encourage obnoxious parents to look into charter schools or home schooling.

16. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in the elementary setting for the last 10 years.

17. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.

18. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

19. Your personal life comes to an screeching halt at report card time.

20. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this."