Michael Jones was a 61 year old man who died in his sleep. He was a peace loving man. He always tried to keep the family from falling apart. He was very wealthy. Before he died he promised good fortune to his family in his will.

His friends and family gathered together to read the will:

To my son John. Whom I love dearly. But do not trust with shit. Give him my jewels. So maybe he'll stop stealing other peoples.

To my daughter Jessica. Give her a thousand dollars of my money. She'll just smoke it up on drugs. The damn druggie. When will you learn?

To my grand baby Tee Tee. Give her a scholarship to any college in the world that she wants to go to and nothing more because she might just end like her mother. A druggie.

My loving wife. Give her shit on a platter. The cheating bitch. Get her out of my house at once.

Last to my secretary, give her all of my money, house, car, investments and my island. She can suck a mean dick.