THE BUS STOP - A Contemporary Abbott & Costello Sketch

THE BUS STOP

by Eric Perlin

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

BUD ABBOTT

LOU COSTELLO

COSTELLO: Hi, Abbott.

ABBOTT: Hi, Costello. What are you doing here?

COSTELLO: I have an important job interview at 9:30, so I came here to catch the 89 bus at 8:58.

ABBOTT: Lou, you're at the wrong stop. The 89 bus doesn't come here at 8:58. The only bus that stops here is the 98 bus at 8:59.

COSTELLO: Are you sure? I thought there was another bus that stopped here too.

ABBOTT: You're probably thinking of the 93. The 93 used to stop here every day at 9:22, but they stopped it in '94.

COSTELLO: What about the 89 bus? Where can I catch that one?

ABBOTT: The 89 stops in front of the 5 and 10 shop on 39th street at 8:10.

COSTELLO: 8:10?!! It's already 7:53! How the heck can I get all the way to the 5 and 10 shop on 39th street by 8:10?!!

ABBOTT: You can get to the 39th Street 5 and 10 shop by 8:05 if you catch the 37.

COSTELLO: The 37? Does that stop here?

ABBOTT: No! I already told you the only buses that ever stopped here are the 93 and the 98. And the 93 stopped running in '94.

COSTELLO: Never mind that! I need to know where to catch the 37 so I can get to the 5 and 10 shop on 39th street in time to catch the 89!

ABBOTT: That's simple.

COSTELLO: Good.

ABBOTT: If you want to catch the 37, you can catch it just up this road, in front of the 7-11.

COSTELLO: The 7-11?

ABBOTT: You can't miss it.

COSTELLO: Oh, thank Heaven for 7-11. Where's the 7-11?

ABBOTT: The 7-11 is at the corner of 27th street, right next to Century 21. The 37 bus stops there at 7:57, then travels down Route 111 and gets to the 5 and 10 shop on 39th Street at 8:05.

COSTELLO: Let me get this straight. If I walk to the 7-11 on 27th Street, next store to Century 21, I can catch the 37 at 7:57. The 37 will take me down Route 111 and get me to the 5 and 10 Shop on 39th Street by 8:05, where I can then catch the 89 bus at 8:10.

ABBOTT: That's right. Now you've got it.

COSTELLO: Thanks a lot, Abbott. (Thoughtful pause) Just one more thing.

ABBOTT: What?

COSTELLO: Where was I going?

The end