Having just returned from an evening church service, the elderly woman was startled by an intruder in the act of robbing her home. "STOP! Acts 2:38," she yelled. (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"