1. A nun walks onto a bus, whick is empty apart from her and the driver. The nun says to the driver "I'm going to die soon and i want three wishes to be fulfilled before my time comes. Firstly i would like to have sex, but i must die a virgin so it must be anal. Secondly i cannot commit adultery so the bloke i sleep with must be single. Finally, the bloke has to be a stranger and must not tell anyone else.

The bus driver thinks for a moment and then says " i could be that bloke."

After they have anal sex in the back of the bus the driver says " I'm terribly sorry, sister. I've actually got a wife and three kids."

"never mind" says the nun "i lied too. My names Kevin and i'm on my way to a fancy dress party."

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2. A bloke goes to a doctors surgery for his annual check-up. During the check-up the doctor notices the blokes yellow penis.

"do you work with chemicals" the doctor asked.

"no i don't, i'm unemployed"

"do you smoke?" the doctor then asks

"no i don't smoke. I just sit at home all day watching porno films and eating wotsits.

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3. George and his new blonde girlfriend are walking down a moonlit beack. He then asks her to close her eyes. He puts her hand on his penis, to which she retorts " no thanks, i dont smoke.