The following are actual sentences taken from patient's medical charts. And we let these guys operate on us?

* Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

* On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.

* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

* The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

* Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

* Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

* The patient refused autopsy.

* The patient has no previous history of suicides.

* Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

* Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.

* Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

* Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up.

* She is numb from her toes down.

* While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

* The skin was moist and dry.

* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

* Patient was alert and unresponsive.

* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

* Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.

* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

* Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

* The patient was to have a bowel resection.

* However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

* Skin: somewhat pale but present.

* The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

* Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

* Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

* She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.

* Patient was found in bed with her power mower.