"What are you gonna do then? Let out the dogs? or the bees? or dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

"My son, when you are in a sport, it isn't about winning or loosing..it's about how drunk you gets"

"Bart, a woman is excactly like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you would kill your own mother to get one"

"Kill my boss?! Do I really dare to live out the american dream?"

"Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are just made up, just like fearies, trolls and eskimos."

"Ohh, I love your newspaper. Especially the part with 'increase your vocabulary'. I find it very...very...very...good."

"Miss! Give me the number to 911!"