So you?re glad you?re a chick? Well, I?m glad I?m a guy. So have a seat, missy, and I?ll tell ya why I?m so glad I?m a man, I could stand and applaud That I don?t have to live life as a broad. We do the same work, but I?m better paid. There?s honor and not shame for me when I get laid. I can get head in a restaurant booth. Mechanics will (usually) tell me the truth. I can go sit at a bar all alone Without twenty drunk losers inviting me home. Workmen and service men never do hassle me. Car CD players don?t simply baffle me. I can reach stuff hidden on the top shelf. I can change light bulbs all by myself. No one expects anything when I just flirt. I don?t have to wear dumb stuff like hose or a skirt. My underwear?s cotton, and three for eight bucks. Bras are expensive and WIRE - that sucks. I get to buy cool stuff like hammers and drills. You have to buy makeup and birth control pills. Never will I suffer from PMS. It takes me ten minutes to shower and dress. Three pair of shoes are more than enough. I don?t have a purse full of useless old stuff. None of my co-workers can make me cry. When someone fails to call, I don?t give a shit why. I never will need an electrician or plumber. I can date someone much younger and dumber. I?m GLAD I?m a guy, with two balls and a dick, So I don?t have to live life as a chick. I revel in guy-hood with joy I can?t squelch, And I?ll celebrate every scratch, every belch. I?m glad I?m a man, of that I am proud. I?m not at all bitchy, annoying and loud. I won?t try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small. My credit card is still good when I leave from the mall. I won?t drink Diet Coke, or eat a rice cake. There?s no silicone here, my chest isn?t fake. My face isn?t ?lifted,? my bra isn?t stuffed, I do what?s proper, I leave the toilet seat up. It doesn?t take hours to fix up my hair, I don?t see the need to use bathrooms in pairs. I won?t throw a tirade and then blame PMS. I?m a man and I?m glad I can deal with my stress. I have intuition, I never get lost. I share household duties, I won?t try to be the boss. I?m a man and with that comes a high sense of class, I won?t wear a swimsuit that rides up my ass. I won?t cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot I don?t make up false places, like the infamous ?G-spot.? I won?t go out at night in a black mini-skirt, then slap anybody that just tries to flirt. You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall, To make Lorena a hero for hacking off balls. Yes, I?m pleased to be male and I don?t mean to gloat. I?m sorry you don?t understand how to work the remote. I?ll never tease you, or play hard to get. If I don?t get my way, I won?t throw a fit. I don?t worry much about breaking a nail, My face without makeup isn?t distorted and pale. I?ll never say one thing while meaning another. When life gets real hard, I won?t run to my mother. In order to understand just who I am; You need a Y-chromosome; it?s what makes you a man.