Right, so England have been drawn to play Scotland. 'Yeah I know they're crap' Fabio Cappelo said, 'but we have to play them to keep uefa happy'. So Owen said 'How about I play them on my own and you lads all go down the pub?' They all agreed that was a great idea. So, while the rest of the team were down the pub, they flicked on teletext to find out the score - England - 1 (Owen, 10 minutes) Scotland - 0 They were happy and stayed there at the bar. Just as the ninety minutes was up, the lads checked the score again: England - 1 (Owen, 10 minutes) Scotland - 1 (Collins, 89 minutes). Just then, Owen walked in. 'What went wrong?' they all asked.

'Sorry lads...bloody ref sent me off in the eleventh minute!'