Jesus loves you.... Everyone else thinks you're an ass.

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Hang up and drive!

GUYS, no shirt, no service, GALS, no shirt, no charge.

Heart attacks, God's revenge for eating his animal friends.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

Try not to let your mind wonder, Its too small to be out by itself.

The proctologist called, the found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.

Some people just don't know how to drive, I call these people, "EVERYBODY BUT ME!"

Don't like my driving, Then quit watching me.

Just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Hows My Driving? 1-800-EAT-SHIT