A Scotsman walking through a field sees a man drinking water from a pool with his cupped hand.

The Scotsman shouts "Awa ya gowk yon's foo o' coos skitter"

(Translation - Don't drink the water you fool it's full of cow shit)

The man shouts back " I'm English! Speak English! I don't understand you!"

The Scotsman shouts back "Use both hands, you'll get more in"